Energy: An Unrealistic Luxury

Very seldom do moments of inspiration and energy coincide with opportunities to get things done around the house.  In the morning as I go through my routine preparing to head off to work, I notice that the bathroom sink needs to be cleaned or the beans in the cupboard rearranged.  I make a mental note to do the work when I get home, but at the end of the day I am drained and want only to lie on the floor and listen to Elliott Smith until bedtime.  Another day passes and the sink is still dirty and the cupboard in chaos. 

If this goes on long enough, the little tasks accumulate.  Each moment in the apartment I am haunted by the mocking sneers of tasks undone.  Weren’t you going to take out the compost?  Shouldn’t you have dusted the sills?  Look at all the crumbs under the toaster! 

Some things I have learned.  One of them is this: Energy is an unrealistic luxury in a life of chronic pain.  Sometimes you just have to do stuff anyway.  Other times you need to let yourself off the hook.

I’ve found that some tasks around the house really only take a few minutes, and if I can just get them started despite the pain and lethargy I feel, they get done rather quickly.  I can wipe down the bathroom sink in a minute or so.  Once it’s clean, it no longer taunts me with accusations.  I feel a load lift from my shoulders.  Wiping down the kitchen counters and stovetop after washing the dishes keeps that voice silent.  I can vacuum while the clothes are in the washer, in such a small apartment that takes only a few minutes.

Other times, I’m just too discouraged, in too much pain, or too tired to do much more than brush my teeth before bed.  On those days, the dust and grime accumulate.  Sometimes I have the presence of mind to talk back to the heckling dust bunnies; sometimes it’s okay to leave work undone for another day.  Other days I let it get to me; I let it make me feel inferior to the women with spotless houses – like I am fundamentally flawed and weak – like there is no point in trying – like I’ll never be able to keep a nice house – like I ought to have a cleaning lady but can’t afford one – like I’m doomed to live in squalor forever.

Two days ago I scrubbed the toilet.  Today I took out the spray bottle and cleaned up the sink.  For now my head is above water. 

Ginger Honey Tea: The Beverage that Bites Back

I caught a cold from my germ-bag nephew, who rarely fails to pass on some kind of bug to me during our visits.  It was a perfect opportunity to pamper myself with orange juice, chicken soup, and one of my favorite things in the universe:  Ginger Tea.

I’ve actually never made this from scratch before.  When I lived in Southwest China, there was a restaurant that would brew up a pot for a few dollars.  At some point, I found a crystallized mix that worked rather well, but it was very sugary and left an uncomfortable sensation on my teeth.  So, this week, I decided to try to make of this glorious beverage from fresh ginger. 

Here’s how I did it; I bet you could play with the proportions quite a bit.

Ginger Honey Tea

1 – 2 fresh ginger roots; shredded, or finely chopped.

4 to 6 cups water

Honey

In medium saucepan, bring the water to a rapid boil and add the chopped ginger.  Return to boil before turning the heat off.  Let it sit and steep for a while.  I let it steep for 10 or 15 minutes. 

Pour into glass jars or teapot, being careful to strain out the chunks of ginger.  Add as much honey as you want, aiming for the desired sweetness.  I think I ended up using like 10 teaspoons.  It might take a lot. 

You can now drink as much as you like, or save it for later in the fridge.  You may find it packs more punch than you like, so feel free to add water to tone it down.  You can also add some hot milk to make a sort of Ginger Latte.  Lemon may go really well with it too.  The sky is the limit.  Play around with as many options as you want.

Quitter Chronicles #5: The Cleanse

 Ok, so the cleanse didn’t work out like I expected.

I had grand plans for this.  Initially, I wanted to go several days without any food at all, drinking only water, and letting all the icky stuff get flushed out of my system.  Then I would gradually start phasing in foods.  I would start with only fruits and vegetables, slowly adding starches, oils, dairy and meat.  The final stage of the process would be (after a few weeks) to begin eating sweet stuff again, but sweet stuff sweetened with natural raw sweeteners. 

On August 24, I ate my normal breakfast and lunch, but I skipped dinner.   I had every intention of going without food for at least five days before beginning to phase in simple stuff.  But on the evening of the 25^th, I caved.  I woke up in the middle of the night feeling super jittery and faint.  It seemed weird that I would wake up from slumber only to pass out.  After this happened a few times, I finally got up and stuffed my face with a handful of almonds, some cheddar cheese, and a spoonful of peanut butter. 

Boy was I glad I’d taken the preliminary steps of cleaning out my pantry of sugary stuff, because I guarantee you I would have gone for banana bread or something.  

So, at this point, it seemed silly and perhaps reckless to try to do an extended fast.  Instead of fretting about giving up on the harsh cleanse plan, I just began my refined-sugar free life on August 25.  I had eggs for breakfast that morning, and some tea with honey. 

Ricotta Pesto Pasta

It's good to have stuff on hand that I can prepare quickly when I get home from work.  I decided to make some cheesy-pesto "sauce" for pasta, and put it in the freezer in small baggies.  All I have to do is think ahead enough to defrost them before dinner, and I can cook up the pasta to have with it.  The finished product of this could use a little more salt, and possibly a sprinkling of freshly grated Parmesan.  I encourage you to play with this sauce and make it better.  If you come up with something awesome, let me know. 

I am an idiot, and I got mixed up, and I labeled these as "Pesto-Risotto" sauces.  Not risotto, ricotta

Ricotta Pesto

1 cup prepared pesto

4 cups Ricotta (fat-free or not, whatever you want)

1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese

Salt and pepper to taste

* Warm water from pasta (just enough to make the cheese mixture a saucy consistency; add this when you're serving it, not before you freeze the baggies.  It'll heat up the cheese mixture a little, and give it a saucy consistency.)

Mix the ingredients in a bowl.  Divide into freezer packages, or use it all at once.  Save some of the pasta water from cooking your pasta and add a small amount to the cheese mixture to get to a consistency that seems right to you.  Add hot, drained pasta to the mix and stir it up. 

Add salt and freshly grated Parmesan if you like, and let me know if you perfect this!

Eggs, Baskets, and Roller Coasters

When it comes to treating my chronic upper back pain, I have learned not to put my eggs in any baskets.  For nearly 20 years my back has hurt just about every day.  For over eight years I have been seeking help from medical professionals.  In the past two years, I have tried a couple of physical therapists, message therapy, anti-inflammatories, steroids, anesthetic patches, a TENS unit, cortisone injections, neck traction, shoe inserts, and a special diet.  Thus far the pain has remained pretty much unchanged: nagging, depressing, and often quite debilitating; like an abusive Siamese twin.

With every new doctor or physical therapist, I’ve ridden the same roller coaster of ups and downs.  On the first visit, we chat about my pain experiences, they look over my spine, they notice the slight curvature and uneven pelvis, they point out the protracted shoulder blades, and they come up with what seems like a very logical explanation for the pain and suggest what sounds like a very simple and achievable solution.

At first I’m super encouraged that “this one” truly understands me and I’ve finally found someone who can help.  I faithfully and zealously do my exercises, taking copious notes about all the nuances of my pain.  Weeks turn into months as I obsess over the details of my stretches and the location, intensity, and persistence of my pain.  But there is no change. 

This month, I started seeing another new physical therapist.  She’s got some serious credentials and a lot of expertise.  Talking to her, I can tell she really knows her stuff. She’s fascinated by my atypical symptoms and curvature, and she’s up for the challenge of finding a solution.  Could this be the one?

While she’s finding the same structural problems in my skeleton that previous doctors have seen, she’s suggesting a new plan of attack.  Her reasoning sounds entirely plausible.  Could she be the one?

Forgive me for lacking optimism.  Most of my eggs were shattered in previous baskets, so I’m leery of entrusting the remaining ones to any container, no matter how appealing it may be to do so.  I admit that this woman’s approach seems very promising.  And while I’m in her office being worked on, I feel like she’s making a difference.  But I also thought that I’d found the solution eight years ago at the first place I went to.  And it seemed that two years ago we were really on to something.  And last year’s cortisone injections seemed like a sure solution.  And everybody raves about those TENS devices.

I guess it’s just hard to fight the combined effect of disappointment and fear of more disappointment.  I want to be optimistic and hopeful.  But I’ve been let down so many times – abandoned and left with this abusive Siamese twin – that I simply can’t convince myself to expect anything good.

When I try to be optimistic, I only feel like I’m deceiving myself.  Like making a birthday wish you know will never come true, I just don’t have much hope in the power of optimism.  This time, this physical therapist may be able to help me.  But I won’t believe it for real until I see it for real.  Try as I may to muster up the positive vibes, I just can’t be sincere about it.  I’m keeping my eggs in my hands while I ride this roller coaster one more time.

We’ll see.  I’llkeep you posted.

Tasty Earthy-Crunchy-Healthy-Hippie Molasses Cookies

I’ve been refined-sugar-free for about a month, and yes I’ve had dreams wherein I have devoured cannolis the size of burritos.  So far, I’ve satisfied my sweet tooth mainly with dried fruit, nuts, honey teas and banana bread.  But it’s time to pig out on cookies.  So here we go. 

I found this recipe on the interweb.  I made some alterations to make it suit my hippie wannabe desires. These things turned out to have a very pleasantly strong molasses / gingery flavor.  I think they will go wonderfully with my 10 a.m. breaktime coffee at work.  And with the exception of the shortening, they are super healthy!  (Even vegan!)

Molasses Cookies:

1/2 cup all purpose flour

1 cup whole wheat flour

1 cup wheat germ*

1 tsp ground cinnamon

1 tsp ground ginger

1 tsp baking soda

1 3/4 tsp baking powder

1 tsp salt

3/4 cup molasses

2 – 3 tsp blackstrap molasses (optional**)

1/2 cup shortening

* I was surprised to find that the wheat germ in the hippie / health food section of the supermarket was much cheaper than its counterpart in the main store.  I bought some Bob's Red Mill wheat germ at $2.79 per pound.  The stuff over in the cereal section was like $7.50 per pound. 

** I accidentally bought some blackstrap molasses a few weeks ago, thinking “blackstrap” was merely a brand name.  I decided to throw a couple of teaspoons of it into this recipe just to begin to use it up.  

Directions:

Assemble the dry ingredients together and set aside. 

In saucepan, slowly bring molasses to a boil over low heat.   

Remove from heat and add shortening, whisking until melted.  Add heated wet ingredients to dry ingredients and stir well. 

Let cool for at least an hour or so.  (It will rise a little during this time.)

Roll into balls and press down on ungreased cookie sheet with either a fork or the bottom of a drinking glass.  Bake at 350° for 8 minutes or so, depending on the size of the cookies.  (Mine needed 10 or 12 minutes, but I think I made them rather large; next time I'll try smaller ones.) 

Prepare yourself for a wonderful aroma as these bake.  Enjoy with coffee or tea, and a healthy dose of self-righteousness.

Quitter Chronicles: #4 : Phase In

As my stock of foods containing sugar began to dwindle, I started to phase in sugar-free foods and foods sweetened with unrefined sugar. 

Mainly this involved taking care to buy the usual groceries but sticking to options lacking sugar.  For instance, tortilla wraps.  Most brands that I looked at contained high-fructose corn syrup, but I managed to find a couple of brands that didn’t have any sugar listed in the ingredients. 

I also started to make more stuff from scratch, to stock up for when I would need them.  I made hummus and tomato soup and threw them in the freezer.  Instead of buying granola bars, I bought almonds to keep on hand for snacks.  I bought more fruit and veggies that I could conveniently eat raw. 

I wanted to wait until I’d truly begun to live refined-sugar-free before I started eating sweets that were sweetened with raw sugars.  But in preparation, I found some dark chocolate sweetened with raw sugars, and I found a few recipes for desserts that I could make with honey or molasses. 

Basically, my point is that in the weeks leading up to my sugar cleanse, I started easing into a life without sugar.  Simple enough, but I thought I’d tell you, just to tell you.